Dr Wommm's Medicine Cabinet

26 May 2006

Total Fucking Sacrelige

Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to lose a seriously important part of our (South) London heritage. The Young's Brewery is going to shut cos they're merging with Charles Wells and relocating the brewery to the CW site in Herts (I think). Now CW make a decent pint, but it ain't in the same league as Young's beers. The water will no longer be drawn from the old well in Wandsworth by the Thames and this is fucking wrong. You don't make sparkling wine in Belgium and call it Champagne, and there is no fucking way that the distinctively London taste of Young's various glorious ales is going to stay the same, and that is a bleedin' shame. Anyone who grew up in South London will remember the drays drawn by the beautiful shire horses that delivered the beer to all the pubs up until a few years ago. And anyone who likes real beer has, at some point, knelt in supplication at the wonder that is a pint of Winter Warmer, the only beer in the world so good it makes me want to screw the barrel it comes out of. I want questions asked in Parliament about this. I can't see the Italian government sitting back and watching the producers of Barolo sell their land for luxury fucking flats and grow the grapes in different soil, can you? Not pleased, not pleased at all. Plus their pubs are wonderful too, real old-fashioned boozers with beautifully kept cellars and eccentric staff, just as a proper pub should be. The one in the photo, the Dog and Bull , has been a wonderful oasis in the cutural wasteland that is Croydon for as long as anyone can remember, is one of the greatest pubs in the known universe and if CW fuck with it, there's going to be a lot of upset South London chemical heads, not to mention the mad bastards from Surrey St market, beating a path to their door. You have been warned.

25 May 2006

Does Chewey Know About This?

Near Wells in Somerset (the tiny, tiny city), is a place whose name fills me with joy whenever I see it. Here's its official site. Apparently it's revamped, restored and totally remarkable, also bursting and apparently King Kong's going to come there...

24 May 2006

Powerful Enough To Turn Goats Piss Into Gasoline

I am really fucked off right now. No specific reasons, I'd just like to stick a fragmentation grenade up the universe's arse and retire to a safe distance. Maybe it's the accumulation of all the low-level crap most people put up with from day to day finally spilling over, or the fact that I've been having one of those spells where no matter what you do, work or non-work, someone gets upset about it, an innocent remark or action snowballs into an avalanche of mixed messages, recriminations and random weirdness. Could it be I'm the human* embodiment of the butterfly of chaos theory, possibly it's because I haven't had a pint since Friday or maybe I'm just a misanthropic bastard. Fucknose.

*Some people may dispute this

23 May 2006

It's 125 miles to London, We've Got A Full Tank Of Gas, It's Not Dark But We're Still Wearing Sunglasses


Yes. I have a drivers license. And a van. Scary isn't it?

Picture courtesy of You Need A Mess Of Help's flickr

15 May 2006

Redneck Tendencies

When it comes to music, I don't believe in guilty pleasures. Fuck it, if I like it, I like it. One form of music people really look down their noses at is Southern Rock. Well fuck you, I love Lynyrd Skynyrd and The Allman Brothers, I even like White Witch and Hydra, and if the wind is blowing in the right direction, hell, I'll even listen to Black Oak Arkansas. And enjoy it. The reason I mention this is because there's a killer fucking twenty minute Allman Brothers live medley of You Don't Love Me/Soul Serenade on An Aquarium Drunkard that contains some of the finest southern-fried guitar you'll ever hear and the best two drummer rhythm section ever. So go check the fucker out. Who knows, you might discover yr inner redneck too...

Music Hides The Screams

Jeebus*, my jaw hurts like a fucking bastard. The nice people at the teeth factory shot me full of morphine, which was nice, and actually worked for a while. Then it wore off. Not nice. Even the fucking 60mg DHC tablets my doctor prescribed barely take the fucking edge off of the feeling that some cunt is ramming a screwdriver into the joint of my jaw. They do however turn me into some kind of narcoleptic, which means my neighbours are spared, for a couple of hours anyway, the really loud swearing that happens each time the dull background throb spikes into a seriously viscious stab of agony, which happens 2 or 3 times an hour and makes white light flash behind my eyes. Serious pain calls for serious fucking music. I can't be arsed with anything soothing when I feel like this, it just amplifies the unpleasantness. What doesn't tho, is some nice skullscraping sonic violence, music so dense and all-conquering that the brain gets overwhelmed with massive clusters of soundfuck that the immersive state of subconcious concentration one finds oneself in tells the background pain processing centre to shut the fuck down so the rest of the brain can dig this really fucking cool noise. Plus, when the pain crescendo returns, no one can hear the torrent of unbelievably foul language which will inevitably occur. So I've been mainly listening to this little lot over the past few days:

Ramleh - Soundcheck Changeling (Broken Flag)
Last Exit - Cassette Recordings (Enemy)
Earth - 2 (Sub Pop)
The Ruby Kennel Club - s/t (Freek)
Aufgehoben No Process - The Violence Of Appropriation (Junior Meat)
Skullflower - Infintyland (HeadDirt)
Terminal Cheesecake - V.C.L. (Wiija)
Consumer Electronics w/ Merzbow - Horn Of The Goat (Freek)
Mirag - Black Temple Carved In Smoke (Battlecruiser)
Alan Silva's Celestrial Communication Orchestra (Actuel)
Rake - Art Enemble Of (VHF)
Buried At Sea - Migration (Original Sound Recordings)
Ramleh - Be Careful What You Wish For (SFTRI)
YoungsBower - Site/Realm (VHF)
Headbutt - Tiddles (Dirter)
Albert Ayler - Live At Greenwich Village(Impulse!)
Total - Solid Objects Cast At Goblins (VHF)
Marzette Watts & Co. (ESP)
Oxbow - The Balls In The Great Meat Grinder Collection (Pathological)
Revenge - Victory Intolerance Mastery (Osmose)

*(C)2006 Mistress La Spilffe

11 May 2006

Shit Band, Killer Cover

In Case You Were Wondering...

A heavy metal umlaut (aka röck döts) is an umlaut over a letter in the name of a heavy metal band. The use of umlauts and other diacritics with a blackletter style typeface is a form of foreign branding intended to give a band's logo a Teutonic quality. It is a form of marketing that invokes stereotypes of boldness and strength commonly attributed to peoples such as the Vikings; author Reebee Garofalo has attributed its use to a desire for a "gothic horror" feel. The heavy metal umlaut is never referred to by the term diaeresis in this usage, nor is it intended to affect the pronunciation of the band's name.

Thanks Wikipedia.

09 May 2006

David Blaine

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Fuckwit.

Bows Toward The Sun And Sheds The Object Form

Music is the closest thing to religion that I have, and the closest I get to praying is subconciously chanting along to Om records when I'm fucked. Their first, Variations On A Theme (Holy Mountain), is so good that I had to restrain myself from gnawing my own foot off in jealous excitement when I first listened to it - excitement cos Sleep's rhythm section had finally put the bong down for an hour or so and made a new record and jealous because a. this is a record I'd love to have made, and I don't think that about much music, and b. I'd give away a lung to have a rhythm section this fucking good to kick planet-sized riffs around with. The new one though, Conference Of The Birds (again, Holy Mountain), is even fucking better, a sound object of singular, glowing, monolithic beauty that tells reality to just fuck off for the half-hour or so of it's duration.

Two tracks, thirty three minutes is all you get this time. The first, At Giza, opens in a shimmering heat-haze of cymbals and bass feedback before coalescing into a beautiful mid-paced loping groove, Al's (clean!) bass riff slowly evolving as time passes, entwining with the subtle, rolling drum work of the Hakius* as he intones his unique brand of transcendent uplift **. Ultra repetitive, yet in constant flux, Om avoid the main pitfall of so many bands of this ilk, the belief that it's enough to play one riff over and over again as long as it's really bassy and really distorted without regard for texture or nuance. Which is the key word here. Nuance. Go on, say it again, it's a lovely word to say out loud. Nuance is everything in Om's music, the tiny details which reveal the beauty of the overall structure. The way both Al's basslines and lyrics simultaneously and subtly change over time, a note here, a touch of phasing or filtering there, the way the bass tone gets fuzzier as the song continues but so gradually you barely notice it, so small are the increments of change. It's so simple, just a bass. a voice and a drumkit, intermeshed so tightly that every tiny change seems magnified and meaningful. The atmosphere this song creates is incredible too, like draping a translucent psychedelic overlay over the world for a quarter of an hour, almost like a reverse of the drug fuelled dread of The Green Manalishi (With The Two Pronged Crown) by Peter Green's Fleetwood Mac, which is about the only other track this song calls to mind, even though they sound nothing like each other. It's only in the final couple of minutes that they unleash the full power of the fuzz -fuelled bludgeoning machine, and even though you sort of know it's going to happen, it's still fantastic and y're flung into the sky with the birds that they reference constantly. Fucking sublime.

The second track, Flight Of The Eagle, is a slight return to the sound of the first album, a slowish, hugely fuzzed riff monster locking horns with the Hakius, whose drumming on this song is just fucking wonderful, he truly is the Ed Blackwell of metal, if you can still call Om that - and I'm not sure you can anymore - I've made this connection before, put it seems particularly apposite to repeat it. Like Blackwell, he has the ability to never play a bar of music the same without recourse to trickery or grandstanding or descent into abstraction, a sensitivity to the needs of the music which marks out the true improviser, the drummer as musician as opposed to timekeeper, unfortunately an all too rare quality in music outside of the jazz sphere in my opinion. Even though this track is so heavy it's like listening down the gravity well of a gas-giant, it still maintains the perfect three-way balance between voice, bass and drums in a manner which again, reminds me of jazz more than anything else, every note and strike of a drum or cymbal in it's place and with perfect poise that makes me think of Free Fall by Jimmy Guiffre, Paul Bley and Steve Swallow - a group whose music couldn't be further from Om's if it tried, but whose delicate abstraction carries itself with the same poise, the same sureness of the moment. Truly a fucking glorious album.

*San Jose's distant cousin of the Sasquatch.

**I'm not being sarcastic here, somehow Mr Cisneros's lyrics, which on paper look utterly preposterous, translate into something altogether Other when combined with the glory of the Om's sound. Even lines like "And lighten pon day - the solarics rise - falls upon the ziggurat electron school" make perfect sense in Omworld.

Dolor Del Diente

What I'd really like for my birthday this year is some metal teeth. Either that or to kill the fucking invisible imp which is sitting on my shoulder and smacking me in the mouth with a steel fucking bar. I'd write more but I'm just in the state where the DFs have kicked in just enough to allow me to think but not so much that even remaining seated becomes an impossible feat of balance...

04 May 2006

Wankers Corner*

Admittedly it's fucking easy to rip the piss out of both the American government and the insane strains of fundamentalist christianity in the U.S., but that doesn't negate the fact that done well it's truly fucking hilarious. So if you could do with a laugh (and this week they've been a bit thin on the ground) I suggest you shift yr cyberarses over to The White House and The Landover Baptist Church for some neo-con baiting fun.

On a slightly more serious note, we've all seen that when the seperation between church and state breaks down it has a similar effect to dropping a brick of potassium into water. It's a shame that a few more politicians in the states didn't take these words of Thomas Jefferson into account before letting Bush and his cronies run amok on their new crusade;

"They believe that any portion of power confided to me, will be exerted in opposition to their schemes. And they believe rightly; for I have sworn upon the altar of god, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man."

Those words, which are prominently carved around the ceiling of the Jefferson Memorial in Washington weren't refering to some 18th century equivalent of reds under the bed or Al-Q'aida. Nope, he was talking about the christian clergy itself.

*A town in Oregon, which I think would be a much more fitting capital for Bush's America than D.C.

I Plead Insanity

Don't get me wrong, I love my job. Hanging around over 500ft drops is all in a days work. The risk of decapitation, electrocution and other fun stuff isn't a problem. I'm used to that shit. Getting routinely drenched in foul smelling hydraulic oil eventually becomes amusing, as does accidently doing what looks like a bad Al Jolson impersonation when an ancient generator that hasn't been cleaned in 70 years blows out a massive cloud of carbon dust, covering me from head to foot. Plus I get to argue with architects, which is a great joy to me. Best of all, I get to see panoramic views of our beautiful city which almost no one else does, particularly standing on the very top of the Barbican Towers (I will take my camera next time, promise) and get to see parts of public places the public never will, such as the unbelievably cavernous basement of the British Museum where amazing things lie around in boxes in service corridors and untold riches spend their existence in massive, dark storerooms, like the ark of the covenant at the end of Raiders Of The Lost Ark. But whenever I take a cold, hard look at what I do for a living I have to ask myself the question, am I fucking mental? I suspect the answer is yes, but bollocks to it, I fucking love it.

02 May 2006

I'm Really, Really Sorry

Call me childish if you will, but I almost pissed myself laughing when I came across this article on Wikipedia. Every single sentence is a source of truly puerile glee. Fuck, even the links are priceless. Click on the lovely picture of the Bavarian countryside to join in the stupidity...

¿Dónde Puse Mi Spacehopper?


As I may have mentioned once or twice before, I fucking love Th' Faith Healers. Really, really love 'em. Possibly a little too much. Anyway, they played a majorly fucking arse-kicking gig a couple of weeks ago at 93 Feet East (which I will write about when my brain works properly, promise) which once again resulted in foolish moshpit activity (is this some kind of premature mid-life crisis? Fuck knows, but it is serious fun) on my part. There's some nice pictures of it here. But, even better than that, those lovely people at WMFU also got the buggers to record a rather good live session which I think you should go and listen to immediately. You can find that here. Enjoy.

01 May 2006

...Of Sonoluminescence, Of Ketamine And Cats

Go check out the killer new look Morgen Und Nite myspace. Greens and purples and stars in jars abound. Not that I can take any credit for it, being the slack motherfucker that I am, it's all the fine, fine work of the first lady of psychedelic power drone.

Jeff Lint



Curious? Confused? Go here

We Want The Finest Riffs Known To Humanity. We Want Them Here, And We Want Them Now


I do love Sludge. From the filth-encrusted howl of Buzzoven through the narcotic dementia of Eyehategod and the three bass bliss of Pale Horse to the blackened weirdness of Corrupted, it's a dirty little corner of Metal that holds a particularly dear place in my sick little heart. But of all the bands who specialise in this perverse collision between the heaviest Doom and the mankiest, sloppiest Hardcore, Florida's Cavity have always been top (or should that be bottom?) of the slagheap for me. They weren't around for long, putting out only two full-lengths, Supercollider and On The Lam, and if heavy is yr thing, and you don't own either of these, then may I humbly suggest you get off yr pot addled arse and buy them both.

Or at least get Supercollider, cos it's a bit of a lost classic, having been consigned to overpriced ebay hell for a while after Man's Ruin folded until those nice folks at Hydrahead reissued it. A groove filled slab of transcendent muck which somehow manages to take all that's best about Sleep's Holy Mountain and My War era Black Flag and vomit it back up in a truly crushing three quarters of an hour which makes me want to break stuff (not that I've needed much encourgament to do that sort of thing this week) every single time I listen to it.

It's worth the price of admission for the title track alone, which, in addition to boasting one of the finest riffs Tony Iommi never wrote, a tar-black guitar & bass sound which sounds like the monolith in 2001 looks like, a truly foul throat shredding vocal performance and a groove that could make you move even if you'd been superglued to the fucking floor, has a lyric that somehow combines the joys of methylamphetamine with the process of black hole creation (sample line: Gravity collapse, infinite density, event horizon hides the singularity) and pulls it off with an aplomb which would make Al Cisneros, the man responsible for such gems as "Choir of the sun chant inside the anti-moon, shockwaves rattle the earth below with hymn of doom" and "Drop out of life with bong in hand, follow the smoke to the riff filled land", green with envy. Pure fucking magic.

Wildly Irresponsible Hangover Cure

1. Make a large pot of Blue Lotus* tea. 10g of the stuff should do you.
2. Roll a very large joint of dried Fly Agaric.
3. Drink the tea.
4. Smoke the spliff.
5. Fall over.
6. Giggle a lot and realise that the floor is a very nice place to be.
7. Try not to dribble too much.

*Nymphaea Caerulea for all you latin junkies out there