Hay Un Agujero Sangriento En Mi Quijada

Yesterday evening, I had a mild toothache. This morning, awakening to a similar sensation to being smacked in the face with a bat, I looked in the mirror and discovered that, during the night, the left side of my jaw had expanded to an alarming degree. The emergency dental factory at the London Hospital beckoned. I say factory because you get yr treatment in an enormous room containing at least 60 half height cubicles and more dentists and dental sudents than you've imagined in yr worst oral health nightmares. Patients all over the place being drilled, filled and pilled by people wielding similar tools to the ones I use working on lifts.
After being x-rayed and having a dental student use my teeth for xylophone practice I was informed I had a periapical abcess. Which according to the trusty medical dictionary...

usually results from an infection of the pulpal tissue causing the pulp to become necrotic (die). This type of infection causes fluids and by-products to build up within the walls of the pulp chamber and root canal(s). The periapical
abscess is formed when these materials escape through the apical foramen of the tooth. An area of pus and fluid accumulation forms in the bone surrounding the
apex of the tooth. As the pressure builds up, a channel may form through the alveolar bone and the soft tissue. This channel is called a sinus tract. When the pus reaches the soft tissue, vestibular or facial swelling can occur. Extensive swelling is called cellulitis. Swelling that is confined to a small area at the site of a sinus tract is called a gumboil.

Yum. I love medical textbooks. I've got records with lyrics like that. Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, so next I'm handed a "sugary drink" and told to drink it to lessen the risk of fainting during the extraction of my foul tooth. Mmmm, that's reassuring. Then they pump my gums full of anaesthetic and then go at the offending teeth with a special dental crowbar and a pair of pliers. It was like the way you'd remove a lamp post from concrete. I was quite surprised the dentist didn't put one foot on the chair to brace herself when she finally yanked it out. They hoovered the blood up, advised me to take some strong painkillers and told me to bugger off so they could do the next one. All the way back from Whitechapel I'm convinced, as I always am after dental anaesthesia that i'm drooling bloody gob everywhere and that the numb part of my face is three times it's normal size. Looking in the mirror when I return I see a bloody great hole in my gum. Excellent. Now all I need to do is get the digital camera in my mouth and get a photo...

This entry was bought to you by Paramol - numbs yr pain and yr brain