I Demand To Have Some Booze

Smirnoff Norsk, as I may have mentioned in passing, looks like toilet cleaner. It's fucking good stuff though, and unlike Zubrowka (my other favourite vodka) the bottles don't spontaneously and catastrophically implode*, which is good. It's also not stupidly expensive. Much as I like Grey Goose and Penka, I'll be fucked if I'm paying over £30 for a bottle of something that doesn't taste that much better than freezing cold Smirnoff Black and is probably only priced that high because people with bad asymmetrical mullets in shit bars are actually fucking willing to pay that much. Twats.

As far as I'm concerned, the only clear spirit worth paying that much for is Knockeen Hills Poteen which, in addition to being fucking delicious, comes in 3 strengths; 60% (Farmers Strength), 70% (Gold Strength) and 90% (Roman Strength, sorry, Extra-Gold). Careful with this shit though, it's makes absinthe look like shandy when it comes to motor function impairment, even knocking Old Rosie scrumpy off the top of the"I don't remember doing ether" charts. I particularly like the warning on the website that the 90% version should never be drunk neat. This is sage advice as it eats through metal quicker that Aqua Regis and if you burped whilst smoking after drinking it you'd probably scorch yr face off.

*NYE last year, a bottle of Zubrowka, which hadn't been knocked or anything spectactuarly imploded in my hand as I lifted it out of the bag, spraying the entire contents over a fairly large area. Bastard.